Don’t Grow Up! It’s a trap!
I went to a doctor’s appointment alone, for the first time in my life today, and it wasn’t fun.
Almost a week ago I was leisurely walking from one room to another inside my house when I felt something go in my eye. I did what I always do when this happens. I told myself “Calm down and blink. Your eye is capable of getting whatever went inside, out of it”. So, I tried blinking, but it didn’t work. Now my eye was beginning to feel painful. I tried every method everyone told me to use, to get something in the eye out. I washed it, everyone in my house tried blowing air into it and I tried the whole “close your eye and try opening the lid” thing as well. I spent that night sleepless as a result of the pain. My mother contemplated taking me to a doctor, but with COVID and how dangerous it could be to go to a hospital, we decided to wait. Like with everything else, something or the other happened, my eye got used to it, I started feeling better after a few days. The feeling of something in my eye wasn’t there anymore.
Then, in the morning today, I found myself looking in the mirror at my eye, and there was a blood vessel that looked like it just burst. I usually have clear eyes and they’re hardly ever bloodshot. I was also feeling a slight pain like something stung. So, we decided that I should meet a doctor.
Everyone from the security to the receptionist in the hospital was covered in PPE. At the door, I was told something truly horrifying. “Only the patient is allowed to go inside!!!” There it was. Now I’m going to have to explain to a doctor that I’m feeling a twitch in my eye because of something that went in my eye a week ago and today there’s a blood vessel that seems like it burst and I just think it’s something that needs your attention? It’s going to sound like I’m bonkers. But then, we were in the middle of a pandemic, so I had no choice but to go alone. I felt like a five-year-old going to preschool for the first time when my mother said “call me if there’s anything”, except I wouldn’t have had a phone when I was in preschool.
So, I went in, sat in a chair and waited until my number was called. When the doctor asked me what was wrong, I gave him my lame explanation and he took notes. Then he took me to this microscope like thingy and asked me to keep my eye there and to keep my mouth shut and looked inside my eye. After a few “Look up”, “Look here”, “Look down”s later, I was convinced I was going to lose my eye. What was so wrong with my eye that he had to keep looking? Then, he asked the nurse to put a drop in my eye and she almost put it in the wrong eye. I managed to shoot a completely panicked look to the doctor and he quickly said “The other eye”. Then he retrieved something that looked like a tiny tiny tong from a drawer, and I’m pretty sure my eyes must have given away how crazy scared I was. He said, “There’s something like a little piece of hair in your eye. We need to remove it”. I was relieved I wasn’t losing my eye and was terrified he was going to perform a mini surgery here ( with all due respect to actual surgeries) with no responsible adult in my life closeby. The doctor made me stick my eye back in the microscope like thingy and while looking at my eye started poking the tong in, trying to take the piece of hair out of it. I was breathing through my mouth beneath the well-sealed mask like a bull and repeatedly telling myself inside my head “You’re an adult! Act like one! Don’t cry! It’ll be over soon!”. Then, finally, it was over and the doctor looked at whatever he took out and told me it seemed like a tiny, microscopic piece of wool. I was so glad it was over and he prescribed an ointment for the eye and I was out! I was in shock for the next few hours, at what I just put myself through.
I thought growing up was supposed to be cool, but I was clearly wrong. Going to the doctor alone sure wasn’t fun. But I did feel brave after the whole thing was over. Like I finally figured out that I was capable of doing something I’ve never imagined I could do. Hours after the appointment, I still almost cry every time my mother puts a drop of ointment in my eye. It hurts! But still, it did make me write the whole thing down, so I could warn whoever that has read this far. Don’t grow up, it’s a trap!
